Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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