we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
