You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
