There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
