it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
