I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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