member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
