break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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