I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
