I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
