And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
