I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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