the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
