i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
