a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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