If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Come see our sink grown plant.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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