elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
