can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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