why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
