Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
