you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
