You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
