you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
