I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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