he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
