guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
