I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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