i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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