pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
