Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
