so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
