Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
honey bunches of taint.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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