would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
