if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
