So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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