His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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