it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
