My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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