Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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