I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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