relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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