Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
