Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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