Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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