Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
