I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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