I accidentally had phone sex last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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