there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
