I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I fill condoms, not promises.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
