just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
