I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
