i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
