her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
