we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
