we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
