nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
