I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We need to feng shui this bitch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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