How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
