So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
they're like a gay fantastic four
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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