We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
