ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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