I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
